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Mattel Anounces New Barbie and New Ken Doll

(AP) Los Angeles, CA: Mattel announces their new line of Barbie pro-ducts,
the "Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month.
The aim of these dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are
numerophobic, computer-illiterate, and academic-ally challenged.
This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very
own X-terminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a
Nutshell" series. The Barbie clothing includes a dirty button-up
shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans. Accessories include a Casio
all-purpose watch, and glasses with lenses thick enough to set
pants on fire. (Pocket protectors and HP calculatorsoptional.) The
new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen without
blinking her eyes and to go without eating or drinking for 16 hours
straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of technical terms such
as "What's you're Internet address?","I like TCP/IP!", "Bummer! Your
kernel must have gotten trashed!", "Can't you grep that file?", and
"DEC's Alpha AXP is awesome!""We are very excited about this
product," said Ken Olsen,Marketing Executive, "and we hope that
the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage incurred by the
Mathophobic Barbie." (A year ago, Mattel released Barbie dolls that
said, "Math is hard,"with a Condescending Companion Ken.)
The Hacker Barbie's Ken is an incompetent management
consultant who frequently asksBarbie for help.The leading
feminists are equally excited about this new line of Barbie dolls.
Naomi Falodji says, "I believe that these new dolls will finally
terminate the notion that women are inher-ently inferior when it
comes to mathematics and the sciences.However, I feel that Ken's
hierarchical superiority would simply reinforce the patriarchy and
oppress the masses. "Mattel made no comment.Parents, however,
are worried that they will fall behind the children technologically
when the Hacker Barbie comes out. "My daughter Jenny played
with the prototype Hacker Barbie for two days," says Mrs. Mary
Carlson of rural Oxford, Mississippi,"and now she pays my credit
card bill online. Got no idea how she does it, but she surely does it.
I just don't wanna be looked upon as some dumb mama."
Mattel will be offering free training courses for those who purchase
the Hacker Barbie.The future Hacker Barbie will include several
variations to deal with the complex aspects of Barbie. "Hacker
Barbie Goesto Jail" will teach computer ethics to youngsters, while
"BARB1E R1T'S L1KE B1FF!!!" will serve as an introduction to
expository writing.New Ken and Barbie pair announced: Mattel also
announced today a new pair of dolls: "Divorced Ken" and "Divorced
Barbie". "Divorced Ken" comes with nothing - you have to buy the
"Divorced Barbie" doll to get all of Ken's belongings.